Saturday, April 6, 2013

Spiders Beware

 Ok, so this post has absolutely nothing to do with my deafness. Instead, it's about something much more important! - Killing spiders. Do you have some thing you just hate or are afraid of? You think of it and you just shudder uncontrollably? Well, that's me with spiders.

You see, I've always hated spiders. When I was a little girl, I would always have my dad or brothers move - but preferably KILL - the spiders. If no one else was around, I became best friends with a flip flop, or textbook, or whatever flat and hard surface I could find! And this new friend of mine? Let's just say it soon came to be very useful... and covered in spider guts!

Anywho, so here I was last night and I saw a little spider creeping along the wall by my computer. That thing must've had a serious death wish, and if it didn't, that's what it got anyway. Mwahahahaha! ... I almost feel bad for killing the spider, though. That little thing showed some nerve when it came in to my room and definitely had guts to show itself to me! But... now those guts are on my wall. So I guess I don't feel that bad!

Most people hate spiders, but I also have a rather unsettling story to explain why I am a spider killer. A few years back, I had decided to take a shower around 3am. I went to the bathroom and noticed that there was a  pretty big spider on the wall opposite of the shower - in the corner above the sink. Since it didn't move, I decided to be nice and ignore the disgusting creature... and I couldn't reach it! So I got in the shower and kept looking out to make sure that the spider didn't suddenly decide to hightail it across the room and attack me! I was looking out for about the 7th time, and was almost ready to relax, when I saw these tiny little dots along the wall  near the spider. At first, I just thought the wall was dirty... that, until I saw that the dots were moving. By now, I was so confused. I had no idea what would be moving on the wall! So I went over to the wall and saw hundreds -MILLIONS- of tiny little baby spiders moving down the wall... coming towards the sink where my hearing aids and glasses were! ... and... coming towards ME!
Now, I'd like to take a moment to explain my crazy and irrational fear. First: You've got to understand, I'm not only hard of hearing, but I also have to wear glasses. Without my glasses on, I had no idea where all the spiders were! There could've been some on me! Secondly: My glasses and hearing aids were on the sink and these little baby menaces were VERY close to the sink. All I could imagine were little baby spiders in my hearings aids. They would be in there, lying in wait for me to put in my hearing aids. Then - BAM!! - as soon as my hearing aids were in, they'd attack. I'd have spiders in my ears and then in my brain - just crawling around trying to kill me! Oh, and third: I was naked!! Yeah, that seriously adds a whole new level of fear! And i had no towel... nope, just shook out my nightgown (it might've had spiders on it, and yes... I meant nightgown :P) and threw it on... I think it was inside out! lol

Anywho, so I'd like to say that I went all ninja and got a flame thrower and burned those little monsters! ButI didn't... No, I ran out of there sobbing and had my parents kill the spiders (that they could find). Then I took over their bathroom, after checking it very thoroughly for spiders. Ever since then, not only has my fear of spiders risen, but so has my intense hatred of these little monsters. They scare me half to death, but I will still kill them all! DEATH TO SPIDERS! Sure, if they are outside, I will allow them to live. But if those little killing machines get on me or come in my house, they will die. No questions asked.