Oct. 30, 2013

3 years ago today, I entered the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo, Utah as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

I’ll admit. I was terrified. 

The enormity of what I was about to do hadn’t fully hit me yet. I was going to leave my family, friends, schooling, and home for 18 months in order dedicate all of my time, talents and efforts to serving Lord as a missionary. The amount of self-discipline it takes to be a missionary, as well as the daily rejection they face, really scared me. I can barely even focus when doing my homework and I avoid social interaction at all costs… 

So why in the world was I willingly going to go deal with all of that for a year and a half?! 

It was because of my sister. 

Or at least, a lot of the credit goes to her.

I grew up in a family of 8 - that’s 6 older brothers, then my sister, then me. (I am so grateful to have had 7 older role-models, plus my parents, to look up to!) My parents are the sweetest and most caring people in the world. They taught us the gospel and encouraged us in every good thing we did. I saw many of my brothers go serve missions and come back as completely different people. Sure, some of them had learned a new language, gained weight, lost weight, or became extremely sunburnt. But, I’m not talking about those little things. I mean, they grew up. Every single on of them was more spiritual, mature, calm, patient, and kind. My big brothers had gone off and become grown-ups! I was in awe to see how much closer to the Savior they had become. It crossed my mind occasionally “Wow… maybe I need to serve a mission too”. But I quickly dismissed the thought. 

Until my big sister went on a mission. 

You have to understand, I’ve always done everything she did.

 

She was in band, I had to join band. She played percussion, I had to play percussion. She was in chorus, I had to join chorus. She played volleyball, I attempted to play volleyball. (i actually hated volleyball with a passion, so thanks sis ;P ) The list goes on and on. I'm surprised she puts up with it! When she left, I thought “My big sis has SO much faith. There’s no way I can follow her this time. I can’t handle serving a mission.” And that was that. Occasionally I’d feel a slight nagging at the back of my mind that I should go, but I quickly pushed it aside every time, thinking: “There’s NO way I’d be a good missionary”.

Those first few months that my sister was serving, she wrote to me pretty often. I was always so excited to get her letters because what she wrote was always so happy. I was sure she was having hard time and that missionary work wasn’t as hunky-dory as she made it sound, but I was seriously impressed by her positivity - now my big sis was growing up! And she always, always bore her testimony at the end of each letter.

One day, I got a letter from her. It really wasn’t anything different or special in comparison to the others. All I know is that that day, while I was reading her letter, it hit me. I needed to get over myself and serve a mission. It's what the Lord wanted and He would take care of me.

So now, back to October 30, 2013. I’m standing across the street from the MTC. I give my brother, sister-in-law and my best friends each a hug goodbye before following my escort to the building. I'm visibly shaking as I roll my heavy suitcases up to the building. In my head, I'm freaking out, thinking: “I’m really doing this… oh my goodness, I’m really doing this! What was I thinking?! Why did I think i could do this?!” Part of me wants to run back to my brother, crying, and beg that he take me home.

But somehow, I kept walking. Maybe it was my pride or maybe it was the desire to “be tough” that having 6 older brothers instilled in me. Or maybe it was the spirit calming my fears. I honestly don’t know. 

What I do know is that I'm glad to have been blessed with the strength to keep on going that day, and every day that followed after. My time as an ASL missionary was eye-opening and one the most difficult challenges I have ever faced. But it was also the most rewarding.  A large part of that is due to the people I met, lived with, and experiences I had in the deaf community.  I finally became truly comfortable with who I am.

If it hadn’t been for the influence of my family members - raising me, encouraging me, supporting me, and always pushing me to be better -  I never would have met so many wonderful people, fallen in love with southern California, or had the best experience of my life.

So thanks, to all of you <3 

From Bitter to *Better*

All of you know by now, that I have a deep love and respect for the deaf community. This wasn't always the case, though. Honestly, I used to despise everything to do with deaf people - their attitudes, their community, their culture, and even sign language! Thankfully, this changed. You could say I had my "ears" opened. (haha, bad pun...)

So, to back up. While I was in grade school, I absolutely loved music. I was constantly practicing and working to become a better musician. My teachers were telling me how much potential I had, and I believed them. It was as though there was a whole world of possibilities just waiting for me. I felt like I could only move up from there. I could do anything I wanted to with music and nothing was going to hold me back...

                                    Or so I thought.
It was around this time that we had it confirmed that I inherited a hearing loss - and not just any old hearing loss. No, you see, it's either go big or go home with me. I hit the jackpot! There was an ultimate guarantee that I would one day become completely deaf - and there was no stopping it... You can probably guess that I became a tad bitter... Not that you would have realized this, had you known me then. I didn't let on. What's the point in that? I didn't want anyone's pity. No sireee, I went on about my life as usual, but with an internal war waging within me. Why was I so upset? DUH - my life felt like it suddenly got turned upside down!

You know the board game "Chutes and Ladders"? How you move your piece and you can either move up up up on a ladder or fall down down down a chute? Well, I felt like my whole life was that game. At first there were only ladders. I had so much potential to move up. I just had to keep climbing and so long as I did that, I could do anything; be anything. I was invincible, without a care in the world. My marvelous future was just up at the top of that ladder. I could almost see it... But then suddenly, that ladder began to shake and I was tossed down on a chute. I twisted, grasped, and tried to claw my way back up... But there was no stopping it. I was sliding down. I was going deaf whether I wanted to or not. And it felt like I would never see that ladder - or any ladder, for that matter - again in my life...

A bit melodramatic?? Well, what 13 year old girl isn't melodramatic?!  :P

Anyway, it was a hard time for me... I was just so upset. I couldn't figure out why this happened. I spent so many  nights praying. Just praying to ask "Why? Why me? Why did you have to do this to me? I had so much potential, so much I could have done. Why did you have to take it all away?" You can probably guess that I wasn't getting an answer. But I just kept asking over and over and over again. My life went on, but I still wasn't getting any answers. This didn't change for about 2 years. I was in highschool, seeing my older sister go off to college, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. So, I decided to stop asking "Why?" and to begin asking a different question.
            I accepted that I was going deaf and that I couldn't prevent it...I acknowledged this in prayer and asked, "Where do I go from here?". And what do you know, I got my answer right away. All those times... I was just asking the wrong question! Fun fact: when you ask the right question, you get your answer pretty quickly! At least, I sure did. I knew right away what I had to do:
 1. Keep working with music. It just wouldn't be right to let go of something I had worked so hard on and loved so much! 
2. Learn American Sign Language... 

So I did both of those. And let me be honest - I was doing what I knew I should, but I wasn't happy about it. I didn't want to learn sign language! If I was learning it for the fun of it, then I'm sure I wouldn't have minded. But that wasn't the case. I was learning it because I knew that one day, I would have to use it. While I had accepted that I would become deaf, I still wasn't necessarily happy about it! This made me really dislike a lot of the girls in my highschool ASL class. They were all so happy and sunshiney. All "yay deaf culture" and "I love deaf people!"... Ugh. I wanted to throw rocks at them.
                                             (OK. Slight exageration.)
Honestly though, it was just annoying to me. I couldn't help but wonder what sort of attitude they would have if they were going deaf as well... I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have been quite so perky! More importantly, I really did not like deaf people, their attitudes, their culture, their community,or even their language. I wanted nothing to do with them... This was probably because I knew that I would become like them, I had no choice in the matter. That really scared me. I was dreading the days when I would be completely deaf and it was easier to pretend that it wasn't going to happen than it was to prepare for it.

Anyway, so I kept this attitude for quite a while and it didn't change until I went to college. 

My freshman year up there, I was in an ASL class. My teacher was this very funny deaf man who made me into his pet student because I was the only one of his students who had a hearing loss. I didn't want to be his pet student, but there was nothing I could do about it! So I dealt with it... Then, later in the semester, Thomas S. Monson came to give a devotional at the school. Everyone on campus was going crazy! People were camping out just so they could line up by the doors to get a seat close to him! It was nuts. I thought they were all psychos. You see, I did not plan on going... Yeah, go ahead and judge me :P lol. But there was no way I was going to  deal with all that craziness when I could just listen to the devotional online later. 

So that was the plan. But then, a few days before the devotional, I got an email from my ASL teacher. He had reserved seating for the devotional, in the deaf section. Now, for anyone who doesn't know, the deaf section is in the very very front. It's about as close you can get to the speaker without sitting on the floor! Anyway, so it turns out that he had those seats, but couldn't make it to the devotional... So he emailed me and offered the seats to me! He didn't offer them to any of the other deaf people he knew or to anyone else on the class... Just to me. I was so shocked. I couldn't say no! I knew people who would do nearly anything for such good seats! So I accepted the offer and went... To be completely honest, I don't even remember what President Monson said at that devotional. What I do remember, is how kind a member of the deaf community was to me. How someone I barely knew - and who barely knew me - was willing to give me something so precious. It really touched me. He didn't need to know much about me. All he needed to know was that I would be like him - that I'd be deaf some day - and a part of his culture and world. The compassion he showed really changed me. It was as though he could just tell I wasn't thrilled about going deaf and took that opportunity to nudge me into the deaf community. He knew I couldn't refuse his offer for those seats. It was sneaky. Super sneaky! 
                                             
                                                  But it worked.

I tried to continue disliking deaf people after this... But I just couldn't! It was imposible. I was in their community and I couldn't bring myself to back out of it. So I kept learning ASL and continued learning about deaf culture. To my great surprise, I grew to love it! I came home from school in the spring and noticed that I was forgetting a lot of what i had learned. I missed signing :(
               But then I got my mission call in the mail, and it was just... Perfect. I got called on an American Sign Language mission! It was everything I didn't know I wanted, and I was thrilled.

If you had told me in highschool that I'd be going on ASL mission, I would have told you that you were on drugs. That there was no way I would ever be willing spend 18 months in the deaf community! But now... there's nowhere else I'd rather be.  :)

My whole life - the trial of having a hearing loss; being bitter, and then having a change of heart, growing to love the deaf community - has all been to prepare me for these next 18 months. If I hadn't gone through everything that I have, then I would never have developed this respect and love for the deaf people in the Great California San Fernando Mission. It makes sense to me now- it wasn't all for nothing. God was preparing me for the work He needed me to do. 

I finally have my answer to why this had to happen to me. It was so I could begin to love these people and show that love for them by serving a mission amongst them. I know that the trials I have gone through weren't pointless. No trials ever are. If we can just learn to stop asking "Why?" when things get tough, and start asking "Where do I go from here?", we'll learn that. God never leaves us to take on the world by ourselves. He is always there for his children, beckoning us to come unto Him. He will always be there to help us through our trials. 

It took me about 6 years to come to realize why I had go through everything that I did, so I can't guarantee that you'll come to understand your trials right away. But you don't have to be left in the dark. There is always a light. You just need to find it, and it will grow brighter and brighter as long as you let it.

I am forever indebted to that teacher of mine. His act of kindness truly changed me. A single act by just one man turned me into a new person. I am not the same girl I was. My "ears" have been opened (yup, there's that silly pun, again) and being Deaf has taken on a whole new meaning. I'm not afraid anymore because I know I won't be alone. I'll have a whole community, and whole new world to turn to. More importantly, I know that God  will never desert me. He will help me through all the hard times, as long as I remember to turn to him. 

I accepted that even though I have hearing loss, my life isn't over. I still have potential. 

I now realize now that I'm not sliding down a chute or even climbing up a ladder. I'm on a different path, a new road. It wasn't the one I had planned for myself, but it is the right one; the best one for me. I don't pretend that my trial is over, or that it will be easy from here on out - but at least I know that there is a reason behind it all. I am happy to be on this new road, instead of the one I had imagined for myself. This is where I'm meant to be.

 There's this quote: "I'm a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it". Well, I'm going to take that a step further - "I'm Deaf. I know it. I kinda have to live it, and because of the strength Christ has given me, I now love it."
                       I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that I am closer to my Savior than I was before. I'm getting better. I know enough. I know all that I need to, and I'll get more answers and strength along the way.

                                        And that's good enough for me.  :)

"What is heaven like?"

Every now and then, there is something that deserves to be on this blog, even though it has nothing to do with hearing loss. This is one of those. It is perhaps, the best poem I have ever written. It has the potential to affect all who read it - not just the select few - and is likely to do so. Warning: You may need some tissues...

                 ~

"What is heaven like?"
Asked the little girl, lying in her bed
She's thinking of a book
That, with her family, she read

"What is heaven like?"
She calls her dad to her side
He looks down at the floor
There's nothing more he can try

"What is heaven like?"
She asks her mother by the window
But the answer is lost in sobs
A mother's eyes full of sorrow

"What is heaven like?"
She whispers to her little baby brother
He is happy in her arms
But for a friend, he must find another

"What is heaven like?"
She asks the nurse who checks her progress
He pretends he didn't hear
Afraid to say that she's regressed

"What is heaven like?"
She mutters as the doctor rushes in
He quickly increases dosage
In the hope the pain will dim

"What is heaven like?"
She ponders as she accepts her fate
Soon she'll leave it all behind
But can only lay and wait

"What is heaven like?"
She asks, with no trace of tears
Her eyes, full of light
Show a knowledge beyond her years

"What is heaven like?"
She wonders as her strength begins to fade
Her arms are open, inviting death
To pass on, she's not afraid

"What is heaven like?"
She whispers, as she drifts off to sleep
Her family wishes her Good Night
And to forever have Sweet Dreams

"What is heaven like?"
She asks when she again opens her eyes
There's a man she could not see before
He is standing at her bedside

"What is heaven like?"
Her pleading eyes implore
He's wearing robes of white
With a hand extended to her

"What is heaven like?"
She wonders as she sits up to leave
Accepting his hand to follow
While her family behind her grieves

"What is heaven like?"
She asks as they sit on a park bench
She has never seen this place
His hand she won't unclench

"What is heaven like?"
She insists, as the man sits as ease
She's sure they've met before
But the memory she can't retrieve

"What is heaven like?"
He prompts her, with a smile on his face
"What do you think it is like, my dear?
How is it different, that place?"

"What is heaven like?"
She ponders, the question turned to her
Her thoughts mill around
As she begins to form an answer

"What is heaven like?"
She states aloud, sorting through her thoughts
Beginning to realize that all along
She's had the answers that she sought

"What is heaven like?"
She says again, merely out of habit
"It's a place without fighting
Where a cat won't harm a rabbit.

In heaven, everything is pretty
All around you there are flowers
In heaven, I can walk again
My body filled with power

In heaven, the world is at peace
People are always kind
In heaven, hair on my head
I would once again find

In heaven, I'll be with my family
Those dearest to my heart
In heaven, they'll always be beside me
Never e'er to part

In heaven, I'll see God
and by his side, I'll see His Son
In heaven, with them I will live
In the brightness of the sun

"What is heaven like?"
She says again, now just for good measure
"It's a paradise you could never replace
A great and wondrous treasure."

"What is heaven like?"
She repeats, a smile on her face
"Lead the way, and soon I'll know
Your footsteps I will trace"

"What is heaven like?"
He says to her, "The answer you've always known
And I will surely take you there
In light of the faith you've shown.

Through your trials, I heard you cry
I was at your side as you bled
You tried to live your life as I
From the pain you never fled

Firmly on my path you've stood
Living a life that is kind
Trying to do as you should
Rest in heaven, you will find."

"What is heaven like?"
Her heart knows the answer
She takes His hand and walks with Him
For the gates soon loom before her

"I know what heaven is like."
She declares as she walks by her guide
The tears stream down her face
As he leads her gently inside.

<3

Singing in a Studio

So a little while ago, I had the opportunity to sing in a real honest-to-goodness studio. Basically, I got lucky! Art City Records came to my school to find people for a competition they were doing. So, I sang part of a song for them and then 16 other people - and me! - were all asked to be part of the competition. In this, we each went and sang a cover of a song in their studio. Then, the videos of us singing went online and people voted on Facebook. Obviously, I didn't win, but it was still a great experience. Anyway, so the story is this:

  So, I was super worried about going to the studio for one main reason. It was that I'd have to wear headphones while singing. Headphones mean no hearing aids. No hearing aids mean that I am basically deaf! And, well... not being able to hear much of anything + singing = not a very good combination, in my experience.

So when I got there, I talked with the guys in the studio. They were really nice, so my nerves were calmed quite a bit! Right before I went in to start recording, I told them that I wear hearing aids. I warned them that it might be a little tricky. I was expecting to see some sort of look of surprise go across their faces, as that is normally how it goes when people find out that I wear hearing aids. Turns out, I was the one in for a shock. They didn't even blink! They just told me that it would all be fine and that we'd all figure out the best way to do the recording! And we did. I eventually just took out my hearing aids and we cranked the volume on the headphones WAY up. That way, even though I couldn't hear through my normal means, I could still hear my voice as it was being recorded. - I could hear myself through the headphones, and I gotta say... it was pretty cool. :)

Anyway, so once we got that all figured out, I sang through the song once to practice. I definitely butchered it in places, but I was still adjusting to how different and awesome it all was! So the really crazy part was that after I was finished with that rough run through, Tom Jones (one of the head honchos over there who was in charge of the session) said something to me from the other room. Then he disappeared. I didn't know what he said! So I was standing there all confused, throwing an inquisitive look at my boyfriend on the other side of the glass, when the next thing I know - Mr. Jones comes into the room and gives me a hug! I had no clue what was going on, but hey, I'm not one to deny a hug! lol.  Turns out, my silly boyfriend was talking with them on the other side of the glass during my run through. I guess he was explaining to them how severe my hearing loss is - about 70% or so - and who knows what else. All I know is that I suddenly got a hug afterwards, so I guess something he said had quite an impact!

So, after that, we started actually recording. Which was awesome! I've gone through all of my musical training, always trying to get songs perfect for just one play, one concert, one performance. Trying to get all of the bits and pieces absolutely perfect while on stage... It was honestly a relief to be able to perfect the little spots that I would not have even noticed, had I been on stage! It was nice to make something sound as good as I could ever want and have it last longer than just one night!

In addition to that, Tom Jones and everyone else in the studio were so kind! They made suggestions on what parts I should go over and were happy to let me fix the spots I wanted to, as well! Even when we were making the video, they laughed along with me and honestly... it was just a great time!

I've dealt with judgement my whole life, for my decision to go into music. People have always doubted me because I'm hard of hearing - teachers, music professors, other musicians, other deaf people, even some of those who claim to support me. Don't get me wrong! I don't want pity. Ever. Nor have I ever been bullied. I've only heard whispers, caught doubtful glances, and felt judgment from those around me. I have nearly always proven them wrong, and that is something I am accustomed to. It was just nice, for once in my life, to not have to do that. It was nice to be in a place where there was no judgement; no predispositions. It wasn't a mere concert or music class. It was a real, honest-to-goodness recording studio. An actual professional music setting, and despite what everyone assumed, there were absolutely no problems. You know what there was?  Compassion. Understanding. Kindness.

Granted, not every place is like this. Not everyone is as kind as these people were to me. But it is reassuring. - In a world where everyone is quick to judge, there are still those who will give the underdog a chance. There are still those who won't doubt what someone can do, based on something they can't control. It gives me hope to have met people such as this, and I am so glad for the opportunity I had to work with them. It was an incredible experience and it was just so much fun!

If I never get the chance to work in a recording studio again, I'll be ok. I'm just glad that I had the opportunity and privilege to work with the people at Art City Records.

It's not everyday a "deaf" girl gets to sing in a recording studio  ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Bf2ZEhplA

Silence is Golden

Alrighty, it's about time I get back on topic regarding my blog. Or at least post something that has to do with the title! So here we go!

As I mentioned before, I have a pretty bad hearing loss. They call it "moderately severe". I basically just have a 65-70% hearing loss. Why they choose to use terms like "moderately severe" or "severe", I don't know. That's about as informative as going "Whoa! You are SO deaf"... and to that I say (with heavy sarcasm) "Nooo, really?" :P
But this post isn't to complain about Audiologist's methods because, despite little drawbacks, they really are super helpful!

Anyway, so I've realized that I tend to focus on the negative aspects of being deaf. Which is actually pretty common for anyone who develops a disability or handicap. But today, I'm gonna talk about the AWESOME parts about being deaf!

1. I fall asleep easily. When you can't hear anything, it's super easy to fall asleep. You can't hear people snoring, babies crying, or construction. :P  When I was in my first apartment  at college, my roommates would complain about construction waking them up in the mornings. Whereas I just got to laugh at them, because I sleep like a rock!

2. I get to learn about - and even be a part of - the deaf community and deaf culture if I want. Deaf people have their own history, their own communities, their own schools, and even their own language! The cool part about this is that I can become a part of this community if I want to, because I have a hearing loss. So I could fit right in, if I ever felt the desire to do so!

3. I don't have to worry about damaging my hearing! You know how people always warn you not to turn up your music too loud, or you'll go deaf? Well, that is true. So be careful! But you see, I'm already hard of hearing. (I was born with perfect hearing, but I'm slowly losing it. Kind of like how old people lose their hearing, except I starting losing it when I was 9!) Anyway, I'm going deaf no matter what... So I can turn up my music as loud as I want! Mwahahahaha!

4. You can pretend you don't hear things. Now, I don't normally make a habit of this, but it can be fun! One of my brothers would often act like he didn't hear our mom tell him to do his chores and would get out of doing them because of this! Another fun part of this is annoying people. People will say stuff to me and I'll just be like "what?". Then they repeat it and I respond in the same way. Then I switch to "huh?" and then - getting louder - "I can't hear you. I'm deaf!" Then even louder, "YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!" By then, it's pretty obvious that I'm joking with them, but it's so much fun to see them get all flustered as they repeat themselves over and over! ;)

5. You can easily get "peace & quiet". Most people have to go find a quiet place to read or study. But me? I can get it anywhere. All I gotta do is take off my hearing aids! Simple. Problem solved. I can just turn off everything if I so please! So, now I feel obligated to say sorry to everyone with perfect hearing, who have to find a "quiet place" or who have to wear earplugs. The only current downside of this is that it's not completely quiet when I turn off my hearing aids. But it will be eventually! lol

Some people just see the negative sides of being deaf - having to wear hearing aids or get surgery, learning a new language, having a hard time enjoying music, etc etc. And it's true. Having a hearing loss isn't always a walk in the park! But, like anything else, it's only as good as you make it.

And I've made silence golden.

Bedtime O_o

In the darkness of the night
I laid in bed, my soul afright
But I dared not make a sound
For I feared I would be found

So I came up with a plan
I jumped up and ran!
I shot out of bed
And ended up dead!

I should not have moved
Yes, the stories are all true
It all isn't just a dream
I now know, for it happened to me

A creature grabbed my foot
I am long gone, you see
No one knew where to look
Nor would they ever believe

I give you this warning: Beware
You have good reason to be scared

This advice I give to you
Whatever it is that you do

Stay out of darkness
Turn on the light
For you are helpless in the night

So please hear my words
And take heed, kind sir
Or to you this may occur

Simply remember all you have read
And believe your kid when he says
             "There's a monster under my bed"

Hope you all liked it! :)  This is one my favorites, out of all the poems I've written.

Spiders Beware

 Ok, so this post has absolutely nothing to do with my deafness. Instead, it's about something much more important! - Killing spiders. Do you have some thing you just hate or are afraid of? You think of it and you just shudder uncontrollably? Well, that's me with spiders.

You see, I've always hated spiders. When I was a little girl, I would always have my dad or brothers move - but preferably KILL - the spiders. If no one else was around, I became best friends with a flip flop, or textbook, or whatever flat and hard surface I could find! And this new friend of mine? Let's just say it soon came to be very useful... and covered in spider guts!

Anywho, so here I was last night and I saw a little spider creeping along the wall by my computer. That thing must've had a serious death wish, and if it didn't, that's what it got anyway. Mwahahahaha! ... I almost feel bad for killing the spider, though. That little thing showed some nerve when it came in to my room and definitely had guts to show itself to me! But... now those guts are on my wall. So I guess I don't feel that bad!

Most people hate spiders, but I also have a rather unsettling story to explain why I am a spider killer. A few years back, I had decided to take a shower around 3am. I went to the bathroom and noticed that there was a  pretty big spider on the wall opposite of the shower - in the corner above the sink. Since it didn't move, I decided to be nice and ignore the disgusting creature... and I couldn't reach it! So I got in the shower and kept looking out to make sure that the spider didn't suddenly decide to hightail it across the room and attack me! I was looking out for about the 7th time, and was almost ready to relax, when I saw these tiny little dots along the wall  near the spider. At first, I just thought the wall was dirty... that, until I saw that the dots were moving. By now, I was so confused. I had no idea what would be moving on the wall! So I went over to the wall and saw hundreds -MILLIONS- of tiny little baby spiders moving down the wall... coming towards the sink where my hearing aids and glasses were! ... and... coming towards ME!

Now, I'd like to take a moment to explain my crazy and irrational fear. First: You've got to understand, I'm not only hard of hearing, but I also have to wear glasses. Without my glasses on, I had no idea where all the spiders were! There could've been some on me! Secondly: My glasses and hearing aids were on the sink and these little baby menaces were VERY close to the sink. All I could imagine were little baby spiders in my hearings aids. They would be in there, lying in wait for me to put in my hearing aids. Then - BAM!! - as soon as my hearing aids were in, they'd attack. I'd have spiders in my ears and then in my brain - just crawling around trying to kill me! Oh, and third: I was naked!! Yeah, that seriously adds a whole new level of fear! And i had no towel... nope, just shook out my nightgown (it might've had spiders on it, and yes... I meant nightgown :P) and threw it on... I think it was inside out! lol

Anywho, so I'd like to say that I went all ninja and got a flame thrower and burned those little monsters! ButI didn't... No, I ran out of there sobbing and had my parents kill the spiders (that they could find). Then I took over their bathroom, after checking it very thoroughly for spiders. Ever since then, not only has my fear of spiders risen, but so has my intense hatred of these little monsters. They scare me half to death, but I will still kill them all! DEATH TO SPIDERS! Sure, if they are outside, I will allow them to live. But if those little killing machines get on me or come in my house, they will die. No questions asked.